Day 15 - Your philosophy. What helps you get through the day?

This.

And here’s why.

She does.

She does.

She does.

He does.

And the hope for better days.

Day 12 - Write a letter to someone who has hurt you recently.

Dear you, 

It frightens me how easy it was for me to completely cut you out of my life. There have been people in the past who have done me great damage but somehow managed to claw their way back in. I’m sure, you will not be one of those people. 

It almost sickens me how fake you are. It sickens me that this text message you accidentally sent me was meant for him, meant for other and it blatantly sickens me that you will gladly laugh at others misfortunes and miseries, let alone your closest friends misfortunes and miseries. 

What made you do it, I don’t understand. Whether it was impulse or something you’d been feeling for a long time but you must understand that that particular text message sent me off the bridge. It made me question everything and everyone, it made me realize how alone I’ve been and just how fake everyone can be. I could no longer look into their eyes and see the friendly smiles, without questioning everything. What had you been saying behind my back? What had they been laughing about when I wasn’t there? 

I did everything to be the best at what I was doing, but you of all people knew how hard it was. You of all people, were my right hand and you should have known the consequences of your actions. But no, instead you chose to rise to popularity by sending disgusting text messages like that. You of all people knew my problems, sorrows, calamities and my self-doubts. And yet, you mock me behind my back. 

This text message showed me more than anything that no one can be trusted. This text message made me want to kill myself. Truly. It did. Even when I was among my TRUE friends who love me and held me crying against their chest, even then I was thinking about how badly I wanted to go home, take every pill I’d find and flush them down with a bottle of vodka. Or how easily I could just jump into the freezing ocean, how easily I could just google ways to kill myself.

I’ve never, ever been so hurt in my entire life. And I hope you fucking know that.

Sure, I may be a bit over-dramatic and I may be taking this a little too seriously but I don’t give a single fuck. The fact that this event made you cry for the first time in three years, only made me resent you more. I basked in the glory of those tears. Good on you, you better cry. You ruined the great friendship that we had, with your stupidity and your false face. 

I wasn’t even this angry, mad and hurt when I was in the car-accident. You knew all these things, my loves, fears, sorrows…EVERYTHING and still, how COULD YOU say something this hurtful about me to another person? HOW THE FUCK COULD YOU?! It ANGERS me more than anything. I’m in tears. 

I’ve been cheated and lied to, hurt and stabbed by friends so many times…but this. This was the ice-coldest dagger that has ever been thrust through my spine. And your name will forever be graved on that dagger. Congratulations, you’ve earned yourself the exclusive right to feel my ice-cold grudge for the rest of your fucking life. I hope this will haunt you forever. 

Good bye.

Sincerely, me.

Day 11 - 5 favourite foods

My mother’s chicken salad

My mother makes the best chicken salad in the world loaded with veggies, cheeses, pine nuts, Dorito’s and barbecue chicken. If I was on death row, I’d ask for my mother’s chicken salad as a last meal.  

My Mother’s Holiday Roast 

Since we stopped having Christmas at my grand-parent’s house, my mother the saint took it upon herself to imitate my grand-mother’s Holiday Roast to the very core. It’s Hamburg-Ham, so pink and tender, red-wine sauce, salad, green peas and caramelized potatoes. It’s the best thing ever.

My grand-mother’s meatballs (kjötfarsbollur) and brown sauce

My grand-mother makes these old fashioned, very mundane and ordinary meatballs from Icelandic kjötfars (which basically is just very fine minced meat) and a delicious brown sauce from the sod. And then she just boils a couple of potatoes and this seems to be the most simple meal ever, but it’s the best. Reminds me of my childhood.

The Cheesecakes at Bláa Kannan

I love cheesecake more than anything and their’s are the best, especially the caramel and chocolate one. So moist and tender with the most delicious biscuit crust. Nom.

Pizza in any form.

I am an avid pizza lover. That’s as simple as that.

Day 10 - Where do you want to be buried? If you want to be cremated, where do you want your ashes spread and why?

I think I just want to be buried in the cemetery in my hometown. Just, buried in under the green grass with a simple head stone that reads something beautiful. 

But, if it was legal to burn and spread ashes anywhere you’d like in Iceland, I’d want to be cremated and have my ashes spread in three places: Over the sea in my hometown preferably from the viewing post across the fjord where we always go to smoke and talk, over the Seyðisfjörður valley and from my favourite rock in Atlavík. 

But, I will probably just be buried in my old hometown, wherever I may die.

Day 9 - List your favourite bands/artists

Lady Gaga, The Red Hot Chili Peppers, Hjálmar, Kings of Leon, XXX Rottweiler Hundar, Blaz Roca, Dikta, Fall Out Boy and more. 

Lady Gaga is definitively my all time favourite artist followed by The Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Sadly, I’m not as much into music as I was back in the day.  

Day 8 - Write about the last school day you had, each period and what happened.

The last school day I had was a finals test day and it was German. It went good, I passed the test and went home to bed.

Day 6 - Most cherished memory

Wow, I have so many cherished memories, I will never be able to pick one. Here are some of them in no particular order.

The Lady Gaga trip to London with swissmocca

Going to London with my best friend and experiencing the whole city. Going to O2 to see my favourite artist perform. Discovering new things, staying up late talking like a true Brit, Camden, the Tube, the shops, the everything. My favourite part of 2010. 

The summer of 2009

Re-discovering myself, being among new friends and old, meeting my best friend, meeting the love of my life (or so to speak) and working in a performing arts group for the summer. Expressing and renovating, being an artist. Sneaking around, doing things I thought I’d never do, those things he said to me, the way he said them. This summer changed me forever and I will always look at it as such. 

Loosing my virginity 

Being young, stupid and in love for the first time. It was exactly the way I imagined it to be and I cherish this time in my life truly. Oh, young love. 

My Birthday in 2010 and 2011

Celebrating and being drunk with my friends, being appreciated and loved. 

Does anyone care? Are you reading this?

Day 5 - Post a few favourite quotes and your interpretation of them.

“Whether life’s disabilities, left you outcast, bullied, or teased, rejoice and love yourself today, ’cause baby you were born this way” - Lady Gaga

No matter what people say or do to you, you are who you are and you should be proud. Don’t be afraid to express yourself and follow your instinct. No matter who bullies or teases you, don’t let them get to you. Love yourself and you will be loved. Inspiration to every little monster out there.

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened” - Dr.Seuss

Embrace your past, your mistakes and your experiences rather than sitting crying over what has happened. Look for the good things, the things that will make it all worth it. Life is for the living, be optimistic and cheerful. 

“Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality” -Jules de Gaultier

People like me have to have vivid imagination, just so we can survive this reality. The ability to imagine something and get caught in day dreams is my only weapon against this cold, cruel, money-driven society. It’s hauntingly beautiful. 

“Words are loaded pistols” - Jean Paul Sartre

Be careful what you let slip out of your mouth. Sticks and stones may break bones, but words hurt more than anything. Inconsiderate, hateful things said about or towards a person can break their spirit and soul, and may never heal again. This is one of my favourites cause it fits my life completely. Words have hurt me more than any physical pain. 

“With any part you play, there is a certain amount of yourself in it. There has to be, otherwise it’s just not acting. It’s lying.” - Johnny Depp

This is my motto in life. This is real acting, words spoken by a real actor whom I appreciate and admire greatly. 

Day 4 - Describe what you wore today (Written on the 18th)

Today at work I wore black stretch track suit pants, a grey long-sleeved shirt and a purple American Apparel hoodie with Naked Ape prints on. Then for my friends sokkinskip graduation/semi-birthday party I wore grey wedgies, purple tights and a tight, white flowery laced dress. Interesting?

Day 3 - Write about trust. Do you trust easily? Do others trust you? What do you do if someone breaks yours?

Yes, I tend to trust to easily. Trust is a big issue for me, because I’ve been hurt and broken so many times and not just by boys but by friends, something that happened just recently. There is no greater pain than the ice cold betrayal of a trusted friend. 
I view myself as easily trusted. I can keep secrets and I am true and loyal to those who deserve it (and sometimes, those who don’t) and I can easily give out chores and tasks to colleagues and such, therefore trusting them with something. But my heart and my feelings, there are only a selected few I trust with that. But I tend to blabber and talk way too much about personal stuff to strangers and acquaintances, just because I strive to see the good in people and trust to easily. I’ve been burnt so many times. That has made me more reluctant and reclusive, a trait that I don’t like.  If someone breaks my trust, that person will get hurt. I’ve cut people out of my life faster than you can say ‘banana’. I can hold grudges for years. People haw to claw their way back in, some of who have and some who haven’t and wont. 

Getting your trust broken is the worst thing. When you REALLY trust someone…and that person just…breaks it. Trust between friends is the single most important yet fragile thing.